Hi Nani,
It’s been four months since you embarked upon this solo journey, taking the stairway to heaven and I hope you are having the time of your life. Things have changed a bit around here. Well for starters, we have a new Whatsapp group ‘Our Family’, and we are constantly in touch with each other; just how you envisioned it. We miss you, a lot. however, we do it in our way. For example, Kranti mami has taken on a new badi maa role, where she constantly looks out for everybody. Kirti mama, I heard is doing well and is getting stronger day by day. Manish Mama is smiling again, whereas Shishum mama and Sonia mami are growing together beautifully. Oh, and they travelled to South East Asia. Nanu, I heard is slowly resuming to his routine (just how you always wanted it). Maa has leaned into further increasing her faith in God. She and Papa have their hands full with Kanha, who by the way is quite talented. We met Kitu Di, Khush Jiju, Mints, Mahika, Vanshu and Naishu recently in Bombay and then later in Chennai. Safe to say, all your grandkids are foodies, and doing great in their lives. We don’t have your exceptional food with us, though (yes, our loss. We get it!).
Nigel is doing well too. Oh and yes! We adopted one more puppy, Otis and he is making our world, brighter along with Adori.
“Baaki sab thik hai!”
I think this would have been my ideal phone conversation with you if you were here. Sometimes, I do feel you are around me especially when I am in the kitchen or reading a recipe. You know, you were the only person who believed in me and told Maa not to worry about my cooking skills and lack thereof? It has become a routine for me to call both the moms and showcase what I have cooked that day. “Sadhana ko bhi peeche chhod diya maine, Nani!”
Every time, I step in the kitchen, I think about you. And I do that a lot. Maybe because I still haven’t gotten over you leaving. I don’t think anyone has. I made Jalebi today. I did make an egg-based pasta as well, but I don’t want you to get upset over the egg issue, so I won’t delve into that.
Do you know what I miss the most? I miss your touch on my cheeks. For some reason, your hands always used to be a little rough with a constant fragrance of desi ghee. Initially, I hated it. Today, my hands smelled the same while I was making jalebis, and I didn’t hate it anymore. Because under that fragrance lied the love for my family, whom I get to feed every single day. You lived for the same thing. Didn’t you? I get it now when I see the spark in Nigel’s eyes when he eats something that I cooked, even if it is khichdi or pyaaz ki kachori.
Sigh…
Our phone calls would have been much longer than before. I hope, the angels in Heaven are putting on a few kilos, now since you are there. It is insane, how caring and loving you are. Nani, your selfless attitude has been extremely intimidating for me, to an extent it annoys me because I know I can never be like you. I now realise that your humanitarian nature is a sign of courage. You are a true embodiment of your name, Kushal. Talking about ever-growing faith, I have been struggling with it. However, I feel I will slowly get there.
Nani, you took a house, and with your love, you made it into a home. Nigel and I are trying to build the same thing. And if we are able to do even half of what have done, we would consider ourselves successful. “Makaan ko ghar banana koi aapse seekhe.”
Last night, I was going through our last interview recording, and you said something so wonderful, “Maine itne saal kaam kiya, parivaar mein rahi, sabke liye jitna hua kiya, par ek baar bhi dukh nai dekha. Mere sirf chaar bacche nai hai. Is parivaar ka har ek beta aur beti mera apna baccha hai.” In the 28 years that I have known you and I have never come across a person as noble as you. In the interview, you also mentioned your regret of not being there for your kids, “ab jaakar lagta hai, parivaar ke liye itna kiya, par apne bacchon par dhyaan nai de saki. Isliye shayad sab thoda dur hogaye hai…”
But nani, look at us, we are closer than ever!
I remember asking you, “you have devoted your life for others, khud ki khushi ke liye kya kiya?” and you smiled and said, “Parivaar ki khushi hi sab kuch hai.”
Happy Birthday, Nani… I will be making pineapple cake today and my home is going to smell like your home, on our birthdays.
I miss you every second of the day, but I know deep in my heart, that Heaven is a much better place because of you.
